


The Most Fun A Girl Can Have

by avani



Category: Genghis Khan - Miike Snow (Music Video)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-07-10 23:15:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7012087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avani/pseuds/avani
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fortunately, Amanda knew how to deal with disappointment when it came to Nigel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Most Fun A Girl Can Have

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nary](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nary/gifts), [MiraMira](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiraMira/gifts).



Nigel was late. 

It wasn’t much of a surprise, after all these years. Fortunately Amanda knew how to deal with disappointment when it came to him. She reached into her purse and pulled out another cigarette, balancing it carefully between long white fingers. She’d always had nice fingers, she thought dispassionately. Pity Nigel had never appreciated that. No, instead his taste ran more towards Justin Blake’s stubby brown appendages. 

Across the cafe, an old woman was looking critically at the cigarette. Health nut, Amanda diagnosed by sight; they came in all shapes and sizes these days. Ordinarily she wouldn’t give a shit what the old biddy thought of her, but recent…developments made the prospect of sympathy more appealing. Amanda put the cigarette back into her purse, lowered her head, and let her eyes fill with tears. The old woman’s eyes widened in turn, and she was just about to get up and walk over, offer the poor dear a tissue or a hug when— 

“Christ, Amanda,” came a nasal twang. “You used to be better at this.” 

Of course. Nigel had always had an appalling sense of timing. 

She turned from Grandma and pasted the usual Nigel smile on her face: wide, warm, vacant. “Oh, _darling_. Seems I’m not up to my usual standards without you in my life.” 

He flung himself into the chair across from her, looking disgustingly cheerful. “I wish I could say the same.” 

“Please.” She allowed herself a delicate giggle. Double entendres were just about ladylike. “You were never _up_ to anything to start with.” 

Nigel just grinned, and unprompted, she felt that tug of—affection? No. Love? Absolutely not. Endearment, perhaps—that she had first felt all those years when she saw that bald head across the lecture hall. To distract herself, she took a swallow of tea. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Nigel raise his teacup too, only an instant behind her. 

Her momentary weakness behind her, she rallied. “So,” she said, “how’s the new ball and chain liking retirement?” 

With impressive dignity, Nigel said: “Justin is doing very well, thank you. He’s teaching the foxtrot for Thursday’s class.” 

And what a secret identity that was: mild-mannered dance instructors. Who’d ever guess it? Amanda might have been jealous if it weren’t all so stupid. 

“Rosemary and Phillip send their love, too,” Nigel was saying, and she frowned. 

“I beg your pardon?” 

“Rosemary and Ph—the kids, Amanda!” 

Amanda blinked. “They had names? I just called them Thing One and Thing Two.” Truthfully, she had never been quite sure they hadn’t come from Supervillains ‘R Us. Or maybe Nigel had cooked them up in his lab. Or maybe they were robots. They’d certainly never voluntarily ingested her cooking. Probably it was bad for their machinery. 

“Of course they have names! Anyway, they send their love and they’re wondering if you’ll stop by on Christmas.” 

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” crooned Amanda, thinking it would be a cold day in hell before she subjected herself to a family holiday dinner. Probably they’d all wear matching jumpers. Hell would be preferable. 

“Enough small talk, though,” said Nigel, impatient as ever. No sense of the long game. “You called me here, Amanda. Why?” 

She batted her eyelashes. “Just wanted to see the love of my life one last time.” 

Nigel raised an eyebrow. She blew him a kiss. Nigel began to stand up. 

“You’re no fun. All right. I called you here because—well, call it professional courtesy. HQ’s found evidence that International Spy Services is back in action,” she raised her hand, studied the tan line where her wedding ring used to sit, “with a new hacker on the payroll, apparently.” 

Nigel swallowed. “No idea what you—“ 

“For god’s sake, Nigel, I’m not stupid,” Amanda snapped. “When you left, you told me you were getting out of the business altogether. What am I supposed to think, huh?” 

“I—Well—As if you’re any better!” Typical Nigel. Always pointing the finger at everyone else. “Don’t think I didn’t see you eyeing up that old lady over there. Remember what the new charter says? No murders without prior contracts?” 

She sighed. “Can’t kill people for stress relief, can’t steal candy from babies….what’s a girl supposed to do for fun these days?” 

“Lie?” 

“Overrated.” She waved a hand dismissively. “Don’t believe everything you hear in the funny pictures, love. And honestly, Nige, I’ve tapped the house —the proof is in the pudding, dearest. Literally. Who the hell smuggles nuclear codes in blancmagne?” 

“It was Justin’s idea—“ 

“Like hell it was. The CC camera in the bedroom doesn’t lie. Incidentally- who would have expected _you_ to be the screamer, considering how Justin squealed every time you had him in one of your deathtraps?” 

Nigel had gathered his wits, such as they were. “It’s nothing personal, Mandy. It’s…well, Justin can’t help it, you know how these heroes are. It’s all getting kittens out of trees and saving the world before dinnertime. If I didn’t help, he’d get himself killed, and by someone who actually meant it this time.” 

Huh. There came that odd feeling again, ever since she saw his bald head before her in Villainy 101. At last she put a name to it: _pity_. 

“Regardless,” she said, voice uncharacteristically gruff. “Facts are facts. You might have been the best partner I ever had, Nigel, and certainly my favorite to go undercover with because you didn’t waste your time trying to get into my pants, but…a job’s a job. And I’m going to get you eventually, Nigel. You know I will.” She looked away. “You deserved a warning. Here it is.” 

Nigel nodded and stilled. In a very small voice, he asked: “Did you poison the tea?” 

Christ, he really had been out of the game for a while, hadn’t he? 

“Only a very little bit of arsenic, darling,” she murmured. “I _know_ you wouldn’t be stupid enough to leave the house with the antidote on you.” She’d slipped a bit of the antidote in the tea along with the poison —no point in killing him before the fun could begin, and plus, that would probably mean she’d have to take in Thing One and Thing Two, which was as effective a deterrent as she could imagine—but that didn’t mean she couldn’t watch him squirm a bit until he figured it out. 

He choked. She stooped to kiss him on the cheek, lingering so the tracker would have time to root in his skin. Over in the corner, Granny was boggling. Let her imagine that Amanda was just trying to get him in trouble with his husband by leaving such an obvious lipstick mark. 

The game had begun.


End file.
